Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Marriage Game

I don't expect this blog to get many visits, but Olio is about writing for me (not just fashion) and this is what is in my heart this morning.  Love you Glen!!

I realized the other day I have been married almost half my life.  The funniest thing about this is I still couldn't tell you a whole lot about marriage.  Everyone seems to have an opinion on what makes it last, but I have seen even the best ones fall apart.  Glen and I have certainly had our ups and downs and no, we don't feel madly in love all the time.  But there seems to be a mutual decision to keep going, perhaps because we both despise the option - being back in the dating world.


"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." (Benjamin Franklin)


There are a lot of funny things about marriage.  All those little quirks you love so much when you're dating can become really annoying that first year together.  If you haven't lived together before marriage, I give you 12 months maximum before that first fight about something really stupid. Ours was a doozy. I slammed doors and he went for a walk.  Neither of us can remember what this tramatic moment was about - it was that dumb.  I can't remember how many years it took before I realized all those petty little things weren't important in the long run. 

"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong." (Milton Berle)

Here's another ground breaking thought - you're not going to agree on lots of things.  When we were dating I could have sworn Glen and I were kindred souls.  Deep down we are in agreement about the really important things, but in reality we did have have a lot of disagreements on things like how to raise the kids, how much money to spend on their activities, etc.  It was a shocker.  Somehow we muddled through and the kids for the most part seem to have survived our lack of experience in parenting.   One of those funny quirks in life is that by the time you are experienced as a parent, your kids are grown.  It's probably why grandparents so want to give advice. 

"After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'" 

Looking back, there is one lesson learned over the years that I appreciate the most.  When one of us needs to make a decision about our own life, the other steps back and just offers full support, "Whatever you think best...."  The freedom to have full say in your own life is really important.  This isn't as easy as it sounds.  When things started to get crazy with Vancouver Fashion eZine, it was difficult for Glen to see me stressed and to have me gone so much.  He was in such a different place in his life. But once he realized how important it was to me, he's had my back ever since.  I do the same for him whether it be decisions about his work, his family or his life.   

"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret." (Henny Youngman)

About a year ago I realized what I loved best about my marriage on a daily basis.  Glen is an early to bed person, often tucking in a 10 p.m.  As most who know me are aware, I am a bit of an insomniac and stumble into bed in the wee hours.  But every time I come to bed, Glen curls around me and goes back to sleep.  It took a long time for me to realize how much I love that moment and when he travels for work I actually have trouble going to be at all.  That one moment for me defines our marriage.

1 comment:

  1. Very insightful.As young as I am Mark and I have been together 9 years married for a few months!Im always shocked when people ask me how is marriage life!we started working on things 9 years ago and are still learning to deal with issues. Sometimes I am immature if I dont get my way but I learn at the end of the day we agree on communicating, and finances.

    ReplyDelete