On top of all the above, add in the fact I am honestly hopeless at politics. have a racing mind and an intense internal radar that picks up the emotional cues of those around me, especially the disapproving ones. So there you go - you get the picture. Not a happy kid, not a happy experience growing up.
It has taken many, many years to begin to give myself permission to embrace who I am with joy and stop trying to change into something I am told I should be. I credit interviewing a wide variety of people with helping me find my way, but the roller coaster ride is always there waiting for an opportunity to lure me on board.
I have been reading Sue Dumais' book - Heart Led Living - and it's been an eye opener. I see myself in so many of her early stories. Not the same road walked, but similar unaccepting internal messages allowed a voice. Yesterday I was reading chapter two where she talked about her early negative inner dialogue of self-loathing and put out there, "I'm Not Good Enough!" It hit me between the eyes like a lightening bolt.
While for the most part I have my feet firmly under me now, in unexpected moments that little gremlin of self-doubt finds a way to insert subtle negative thoughts that throw me a for a loop. Over the past two weeks I realized this had certainly been the case - the signs were all there. It was time to clean house and take control. I have a say in all this.
Everyone needs to find what works for them in times of dealing with self-doubt. Laughter, loving friends, yoga, meditation, daily positive affirmations, exercise. for me putting words to paper and more all await. Most likely it will take a combination of approaches to support your efforts, but it all starts with recognizing what is happening and choosing to embrace your worth.
After over 150 interviews, I can say with positive assurance that each of us is meant to be here. That what you might feel are your negative attributes are actually talents that need to be planted in the right garden to grow. You are unique. Your are valued. You are exactly who you are meant to be.
Take that box of dreams you've put aside as impossible, open it, dust it off, open it up and have a look inside. It's time to dream big!