Floating Toilet Paper - Who Knew?

With all the pressure on our shoulders and the distancing, I felt the need today to offer something light hearted. The question is - do I have it in me in this moment. :)  Well if you choose toilet humor, you have a good start. In this case, the subject is floating toilet paper.

When the pandemic started, toilet paper became currency.  Our neighbor at one point had over 70 rolls in her house even though only 3 lived there.  Every time she saw it, she bought it I guess, and I understand that. You never knew when you'd see it again and what the price would be. 

Glen's 96-year old mother had to go into care last October (2020).  She so wanted to stay in her house and pass in her sleep, but the universe didn't cooperate. She reached a point where her mental sharpness waned along with her body. She needed 24 hours supervision. It was not unexpected.

When we all came together
to clean her house and start sorting things, we discovered a HUGE surprise - a stash of toilet paper that was truly phenomenal. She could have supplied the whole neighborhood for months at the very least. Here is an older woman living alone that hasn't driven in 6 years. For a few years she went grocery shopping with her neighbor or with her sons when they visited. Then that became too much and the sons just brought her groceries once a week. So how did she amass this MOUNTAIN of toilet paper?

Glen began to occasionally bring a package of rolls home after going out to check on the house.  For awhile this was working okay, but then we were in for a surprise.  There came the day we opened a 9 pack he had brought home to discover first - it was only 1 ply. Oh well. Toilet paper is toilet paper right? Not is this case.

In the beginning I didn't clue in to what the problem was with this strange toilet paper. It started simply enough. I seemed to suddenly be struggling to get clean after using the bathroom and using way way too much. I put it down to the product being one ply, but I was wrong - totally wrong.  Finally Glen figured it out. When he said didn't you notice............  I was shocked. I hadn't, but it was true. 


Why was this so shocking. Well think about it.  The main selling point of most toilet paper ads is how absorbent their product is. And it's that very feature - how well it absorbs - that makes it useful in the bathroom.  If it doesn't absorb, then it's not going to work well is it?  A toilet paper that literally floats on water is definitely not absorbing anything.  Oh my, who thought that was a good idea.  Now I'm curious what it was made of, but unfortunately we threw the package away after opening.

Coming from humble beginnings, neither of us could actually make ourselves throw the useless toilet paper away, so we tolerated it endlessly until it was all gone, grumbling constantly.  FINALLY we finished the last roll and we're now back to normal product.  Our toilet paper both absorbs and sinks.  

What have I learned from this experience? I'll be reading every package carefully in the future to make sure we never get floating toilet paper again!