The Inner Dialogue

I read a longer piece a few days ago talking about how the things we bury deep inside and can cause illness. My favorite line was, “You might silence your voice, but the inner dialogue begins!” Oh my. So very very true.

Is anyone good at truly silencing that inner voice? If you are, then good for you. I bow in awe. I certainly am not. Where does this voice come from. The simple answer would be our unconscious mind. From the moment we came into this world, this hidden inner sanctum has been slowly filling with ideas, admonishments, life lessons and dire warnings. In our earliest years we have no control over what's being stored there.

Becoming requires us to develop an awareness of those thoughts running in the background like a computer virus. We need to find a way to open that secret vault and shine a light on what we find inside, both good and bad.  

Childhood pressures to be someone we are not, to change who we are to fit in, can force us to bury our true selves. Over time the practice of hiding from the world can lead us to forget who we really are. Happiness becomes illusive, resentments grow, and the pain of constantly worrying about being accepted can cause our soul to wither.

Memories of times we failed, or made terrible (or so we think) mistakes, are also often cast into that deep abyss. Our thought is if we bury them deep enough, we will be able to forget them. Out of sight out of mind. Our goal is to create a respite from the heavy burden of self recrimination. Just for the record, this never has worked for me. 

I find myself in agreement with the writer who coined the phrase above. Silencing your voice achieves nothing in the long term. It simply moves the dialogue inside where it swirls around unsupervised creating havoc.  Sometimes my inner voice is loud enough I can hear what is being said. Sometimes I find it whispering in my ear as I awake. Then are the moments of weakness in my defenses where those difficult memories and thoughts slam me by lashing out unexpectedly in a random moment.  It can be paralyzing.

The worst, though, is when we bury them so deep, deny them so completely, that we are no longer aware of them. Those hidden thoughts are still there having a dialogue that will a negative impact on your life both physically and emotionally, and you won’t even realize what is creating the darkness you are feeling. The only option that has worked for me is unearthing that vault, facing the negative messages stores there, and letting the hurt pour through me and out so it can heal.

We do not need to be afraid of what we find buried within. Everyone has moments of glory and moments of failure. Times to be proud of and times to be ashamed of. Times we are incredibly wise and times we are utterly wrong. It is part of being human. 

Life is cyclical by nature. Growth comes through facing difficult challenges. There will be successes, but there will also be times of falling short along the way. Rather than beating yourself up when you fail, stand tall, embrace the lesson offered, and allow yourself to become that person your were born to be.