Interview with Natasha Pryde Trujillo Ph.D., Author of And She Was Never the Same Again: A Multigenerational Memoir
Can you share a bit about your journey to becoming a writer/published author? What inspired And She Was Never the Same Again? Why was now the right time to share these stories with the world?
I have published quite a bit in academia and have always played with the idea of writing a book. I began with researching different ways to publish and ultimately decided on self-publishing. I didn’t take any classes or speak to any other authors, I just relied on self-awareness of what works for me and created an outline and then started to write, refining my process along the way. I hired a publishing coach about halfway through my writing process, and then ultimately hired a team to help with marketing/PR since I am not an expert in any of those domains.
True heartbreak and significant struggle in coping with my own grief was the catalyst for the book. I also felt like the stories I could tell would be relatable and useful to other people (even if someone hasn’t experienced the exact same thing), so it felt like it would be both personally necessary and cathartic while being a useful tool and another way I can connect with people as a professional and someone who specializes in grief and loss. I would find myself waking up in the middle of the night with lines I wanted to use, and my self-talk was almost poetic, and so it just felt like the right time to stop avoiding/denying those ideas and come up with a way to organize them and make them meaningful in a more external way.
I am intrigued that your family was willing to share their lives so honestly and publicly. How did you approach them?
I was pretty direct and honest with them about my ideas. They have always been so supportive of me and wanted to assist in any way possible. I think they saw this as something that would be very helpful and potentially bring some relief/peace during a time that was incredibly challenging for me so that helped. Honestly, there wasn’t much hesitation from them to be involved in the project, it was just challenging/distressing for them to relive certain stories. I actually speak to their reactions in different parts of the book, so as you read this question will become more clear in the stories too.
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Was it difficult for everyone to dig deep into the past like this? Did everyone read and give feedback before you finalized the manuscript?
Of course it was! I speak to even the nonverbal indicators they
displayed to help illustrate the discomfort and unease around some of the topics. Yes, they were all able to read/listen to the chapters they were a part of well before I even sent it to my editor. We had hard conversations around some of this but I wanted to be sure everything was accurate and representative of their word and that they approved of all the details featured and not featured in the piece. This respect component for me was the guiding force here, if they were not comfortable, it was changed. I could not have done this without them and I wanted to safeguard that as much as possible so they were highly involved in the editing process.
Your author journey was definitely an emotional one as well. What did you do at the end of a heavy writing session to walk away and give your mind and body a rest?
Honestly, I usually just moved right on to the next part of my day. I often wrote evenings/weekends because I work full-time during the day. I have a pretty strong ability to compartmentalize and tend to be very driven/focused on meeting deadlines I set for myself. So I switched pretty fast, for better or worse. Sometimes I would call/speak to a family member or friend who was connected to that chapter if I felt I needed to debrief something. I would also sometimes tune into some terrible reality TV which is a huge guilty pleasure of mine!
How did the writing process work for you? Did you schedule a time every day, work madly when inspiration hits or ?
I set weekly and monthly goals and stuck to those. So I usually took the first week of the month to conduct all my interviews. Week 2 and 3 were for writing (whenever I could find the spare time, usually evenings/weekends) and week 4 was for editing/reading to those involved, refining, and planning for the next chapter. When inspiration would hit, it was usually in the form of my brain spitting out sentences I just had to write, so I’d usually text those words to myself and then contribute to the manuscript when I had the time.
What do you enjoy most about the writing process? What felt most like a chore - a struggle? Might there be other new books in your future?
What I enjoyed the most was those moment where words just seemed to fall out of me and I was able to compose something that really spoke to me. When I can be moved by my own words, especially as someone who is highly self-critical, it was definitely a strong sense of accomplishment and pride. I also recognized in those moments I was doing something meaningful for my own grief process… being with the feelings… which I believe is the only way to cope with grief.
The organize or reorganization of the paragraphs in the editing process felt like the biggest chore. I could get very picky and indecisive which made for long, hard nights with myself at times trying to make it perfect. It still isn’t, and accepting that made it feel like the biggest struggle in the process.
I really don’t know. I have been strong encouraged to write more, but I really need to let this book make it’s way into the world, see how it goes, and not commit myself to anything at this point. So, I am open, but not exploring as of right now.
What is the one thing you most hope readers will take away from reading this book?
That you have to make the untalkable talkable, and that grief changes shape over time, but never goes away in some cases, and that sucks, but it is normal. Life is incredibly challenging and simultaneously, it is blindingly beautiful. I want readers to be able to see the gains and the losses in every significant life event, desirable or undesirable. I want readers to be able to see themselves and their own loved ones in parts of the characters in my story, and to take that relatable and consider their own lives. Have conversations that need it, take the risks that are worth it, and do the work you need to do to more fully integrate grief into your life so that you can live more authentically and more wholly.
Your author journey was definitely an emotional one as well. What did you do at the end of a heavy writing session to walk away and give your mind and body a rest?
Honestly, I usually just moved right on to the next part of my day. I often wrote evenings/weekends because I work full-time during the day. I have a pretty strong ability to compartmentalize and tend to be very driven/focused on meeting deadlines I set for myself. So I switched pretty fast, for better or worse. Sometimes I would call/speak to a family member or friend who was connected to that chapter if I felt I needed to debrief something. I would also sometimes tune into some terrible reality TV which is a huge guilty pleasure of mine!
How did the writing process work for you? Did you schedule a time every day, work madly when inspiration hits or ?
I set weekly and monthly goals and stuck to those. So I usually took the first week of the month to conduct all my interviews. Week 2 and 3 were for writing (whenever I could find the spare time, usually evenings/weekends) and week 4 was for editing/reading to those involved, refining, and planning for the next chapter. When inspiration would hit, it was usually in the form of my brain spitting out sentences I just had to write, so I’d usually text those words to myself and then contribute to the manuscript when I had the time.
What do you enjoy most about the writing process? What felt most like a chore - a struggle? Might there be other new books in your future?
What I enjoyed the most was those moment where words just seemed to fall out of me and I was able to compose something that really spoke to me. When I can be moved by my own words, especially as someone who is highly self-critical, it was definitely a strong sense of accomplishment and pride. I also recognized in those moments I was doing something meaningful for my own grief process… being with the feelings… which I believe is the only way to cope with grief.
The organize or reorganization of the paragraphs in the editing process felt like the biggest chore. I could get very picky and indecisive which made for long, hard nights with myself at times trying to make it perfect. It still isn’t, and accepting that made it feel like the biggest struggle in the process.
I really don’t know. I have been strong encouraged to write more, but I really need to let this book make it’s way into the world, see how it goes, and not commit myself to anything at this point. So, I am open, but not exploring as of right now.
What is the one thing you most hope readers will take away from reading this book?
That you have to make the untalkable talkable, and that grief changes shape over time, but never goes away in some cases, and that sucks, but it is normal. Life is incredibly challenging and simultaneously, it is blindingly beautiful. I want readers to be able to see the gains and the losses in every significant life event, desirable or undesirable. I want readers to be able to see themselves and their own loved ones in parts of the characters in my story, and to take that relatable and consider their own lives. Have conversations that need it, take the risks that are worth it, and do the work you need to do to more fully integrate grief into your life so that you can live more authentically and more wholly.
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