Reputation - SIGH!

I was thinking about the subject of reputation last night. When I say last night, I mean my brain turned on at 4:30 a.m. and I was lying in bed wide awake as my thoughts ran wild. Somewhere along the way I focused in on whether having a reputation was a good thing or a bad thing. I didn't find any easy answer.

Most of us were brought up on the idea that having a good reputation is important. It lets the world know who we are and what we stand for. Somewhere in there the idea if you have a good reputation everyone would like you was tucked in. At least it was in my world. There is a dark side though, as having a good reputation can set the bar of expectations unrealistically high.

What does a having good reputation entail? A few favored traits seem to be kindness, honesty, generosity, hard worker, charitable, a ready smile, generous, says yes, and mentors others. It definitely doesn't include getting annoyed, losing your temper, being tired, saying no, and putting yourself first. Unfortunately no one is perfect, and no one can live up to a reputation that is unrealistic.

 

Growing up the child of a minister, I saw first hand the results of being put on a pedestal. People would appear to be way high up in the stratosphere, an example for all of us to follow, then come crashing off the pedestal others had placed them on when their oh so human failings peeked out. As a tween, I made a firm commitment to never let myself be put in that situation, and still fight that battle today.

When I co-owned a magazine and later turned to writing books, I found myself in the public eye a lot. I decided early on to make every effort to leave personal drama at home, show up with a smile and be supportive. If I in a dark place and unable to be an asset, my choice would be to bow out. I still hold by this today. The negative side of it, though, is most people never see me when I not in a great mood. It's not a pretty sight. They don't have a balanced view of all me as a human being.

When we base how we see someone through such a narrow lens, we can go on to build a picture of them - a reputation - that is lopsided. When something arises that doesn't fit that reputation it is jarring. I have received DM's from people telling me they were disappointed in me for one thing or another, or giving me a list of what they feel I SHOULD be doing for reasons they hold dear. While I should just le
t it slide, it can get to me if I am not in a good place.

Each and every one of us is human. We are happy, angry, sad, joyful, jealous, generous, stingy, delighted, grumpy, excited, depressed, laughing, sobbing, fun to be around and sometimes just plain annoying. What my reputation should include, if it is an honest and sustainable one, is all the sides of me. That will never happen if it is built only on my behavior at events. A deeper connection is needed to build respect for someone that includes their failings.

Once you've been put on a pedestal, the outcome is predictable. There will be a backlash of shock and disappointment when your humanness peeks out. I always find it sad when a celebrity faces criticism for being human. Why is the public surprised those in the public eye also get hurt, angry, are short tempered sometimes, or sometimes feel a need for privacy. They are not able to be on every minute of every day acting happy to sign autographs, take selfies, and have their meals interrupted.

Each of us deserves to be recognized and accepted for all of who we are, and that means not only our strengths but our flaws. That includes you, and that includes me. I have no desire to be an icon put on a pedestal. I already know how that will turn out. I just want to do my best to be a good person, to uplift others and to be uplifted by them. We are all in this together standing on the same planet and putting one foot in front of the other. We are all equally important, and all have something special to offer the world.

Let's all let go of the need for icons, idols, and to put others or ourselves on a pedestal. Instead we can chose to just admire others when their actions inspire us without expectation that they will be that person 100% of the time. And when they aren't admirable, it's okay. They are still growing and becoming just like the rest of us, and that takes a lifetime.