Crazy Versus Courage

I am always making notes - in my phone, on pieces of paper, tucked into a draft.  Every day that I walk through fully present the universe continually drops small inspirations around me.  They could arrive while I am reading an eBook, while listening to an audio book or podcast, while watching TV, while walking along the river, while chatting with someone or even while riding my bike. 

Such is the case with today's article. While I usually try to cite where these ideas come from, I don't always remember.  In this case, all I have is my note.  It is a scribbled line on a piece of paper saying, "The only difference between crazy and courage is a plan."  Doesn't that make you sit up and and start thinking? It does me.  

My writing career began with a leap of faith into deep water, an opportunity I had no experience for.  I survived by putting one foot in front of the other while dealing with a whole lotta stress.  While I don't regret making this choice, I have to admit after reading that line I think this decision fell into the crazy category. There was no plan, honestly no courage - I was hanging in there by my fingers tips -  or even the slightest idea of how to accomplish my goals. I was driven by both a deep fear of failure and an overwhelming desire to pursue my new passion. I am proud of myself for sticking it out, but wish I could have not allowed stress and fear so much control.

The idea of moving in a wild new direction with courage wasn't part of my nature back then. I had little self-confidence to pull from or idea of how to find a mentor to guide me.  I carried the weight of self-doubt on my shoulders all day, every day.  The public opinions of my work, whether positive or negative, had a huge influence on how I felt about myself.  People sensed my insecurity and tried to "help" by offering all kinds of well meaning advice that instead overwhelmed me.  Much of what they shared I was aware of, but I didn't have time to take on more. 

It's now been two decades since I took that leap of faith.  The journey has been both challenging and inspiring.  The people I have connected with have affected who I am right down to my core. I will never be the same What has most changed? Confidence. Knowing that I am enough.  If I feel the inner push to leap into deep waters, I can leap without worry.  I have what it takes. The key is making sure my heart is charge of the decision. It will always lead me in the right direction. 

You have to watch out for the mind's influence.  It's good to let your mind do research. Let it look at all the positives and negatives. Let it consider the leap from different perspectives.  What are the pros and cons?  But when it comes to action, the heart must have the final say. There must be a deep heart led knowing this is the right direction for you.  If you've ever been in a high pressure sales situation, you can see this in action. The person talking doesn't care what your heart is saying. They are trained to make the sale by getting into your head. And they are good at it.  

I have been in this very situation and allowed myself to be convinced what they were selling was right for me. After a few months it was clear this direction was a clear mistake. It ended up being a waste of my time and money.  Now, no matter what the offer is, no matter what the timing they try to inflict on this offer, I give myself 24 hours to consider it.  If I miss a chance, so be it.  There will be others. But what I usually find 24 hours later is my heart saying this is wrong for me. When my heart speaks, I listen. 

I don't consider it a failure that I leapt that first time without a plan, confidence or courage.  It was a heart led decision that has brought me where I am today.  What I do regret is that I didn't have the courage to trust  my heart to guide me through the journey.  I let my mind take over for the next few years and it proved a cruel master.  It took several years before I finally figured out this crazy versus courage. 

Today I know I am enough.  And I have the courage to pursue my dreams because I know when my heart guides me in a new direction, whatever I need will be available. I can and I will and I do.