Be Nice or Be Good

I have so much respect for Morgan Freeman. He is an amazing actor. I will watch almost any movie he is a part. But beyond his acting I find a wise human being. He is an activist instrumental in changing racial stereotypes in Hollywood, and a humanitarian involved in diverse philanthropic organizations, the founder of the Grenada Relief Fund, and a patron of both Artists for a New South Africa and the Campaign for Female Education.

He is also an elder offering wisdom in our troubled times. When I see a poster sharing his thoughts, I always pause to read, and then think what he shared. Such is the case of the quote I shared above. When I first read it I was taken aback. Not be nice? I was raised in a very religious environment and no matter what was happening in my life or how I was being treated, I was expected to be nice. This was especially true for me as a female.

The more I read these words, the more I began to find comfort in them. I do believe in being a good person. What does that mean to me? Offering the best of myself as much as I can. Trying to not allow myself to make instant judgement when I first meet someone by what I see on the outside, but instead trying to look beneath the surface to the soul inside. To offer support as best I can to those in need when it feels heart-led. That is my deeper calling.

The truth is I cannot help everyone, or even one person all the time.  Self-care is important. Keeping my feet firmly grounded and my soul centered is crucial.  Choosing my support group wisely is a must. Saying no and walking away from unhealthy relationships, removing myself from destructive situations, and not allowing myself to be disrespected are also key. This means sometimes not being able to offer help. This means disappointing others that expect what you cannot give. This means sometimes not being nice. It means being serious, being firm, saying no, and removing yourself from high pressure situations. Does this make you a bad person? Absolutely not! 

  

To be clear, when you have face a situation that is negative or unhealthy, how you remove yourself matters. A good person is not an asshole, rudely confrontational, does not use derogatory language, is not violent, and does not degrade the other person verbally. Your words need to come from a place of trust and knowing what is right for you.  

Do not allow someone to twist the narrative. Simply stand your ground, and step away if the other person is determined to create conflict. If you know and trust your inner guidance, your truth, then there is no reason to argue. You simply disengage firmly. And you do your best to let go of any negative words or actions they might choose to embrace afterwards to hurt you. Do not respond, just continue to follow your inner voice.

Today I choose to let go of guilt, of trying to be kind to each and every person I interact with, and of trying to fix everyone's problems. Instead I will focus in on just being a good person, and only step if it feel my getting involved is truly guided. I will slip up, I will make mistakes....I am a work in progress. But each time I will learn and continue to grow. And that is the human experience.