Like, Love, or Intrigued By

I was trying one night when I was laying awake in the middle of the night with nothing to do to think of a quote I read once and couldn't seem to find. It danced frustratingly just past the edge of my ability to remember. Suddenly I thought I found the gist of it - not the quote exactly, but what it was about. Thankfully I remembered in the morning and popped this title in a draft for a time I would be able to work on the piece.

Having been brought up oh so many years ago in a small town in the Mid-West in a very religious environment, I was taught from a young age you are supposed to love and care for everyone. Thinking back, I suspect liking everyone was also acceptable in the eyes of the church. Disliking someone was looked down on, but even that might not be chastised too severely if the person wasn't a believer or openly defied the church.  I walked away from everything that smelled even vaguely of organized religion as soon as I could.  It was a poor fit for me. But understanding my early years has been important to where my beliefs on liking and/or loving others have landed.

I no longer believe we are required to like or love everyone to be a good person as every connection we make is not a good one for us. There are people who like me and people who don't. There are people I like and people I don't. There are people who wish me well, and those that don't.  As long as I am respectful and wish them only a good in return, I feel that is all that is required of me.

For most of us, liking someone is easier than loving them. To like someone asks for less of us and usually develops from a commonality. Maybe you share an interest, or have the same career, or inspire each other in some way. Whether you get together often or only connect through social media. The relationship is a positive one, but often more superficial. It doesn't demand the same acceptance or commitment. 

Love for humanity can prove easier too as you don't know or interact with each person face-to-face. You are not confronted by your differences in your daily lives.  In my heart I envision humanity as a global community of unique souls and do my best to let my love for community and diversity guide my actions.  But I am always well aware that the foundation of personal interactions is not there.  Whatever I experience isn't grounded in the reality of daily interactions. 

Personal love is the highest bar to reach, and the most challenging to maintain. This level of love involves intimacy, strong feelings, trust, shared experiences good and bad, connection on a deeper level, and a respect that comes from the heart.  It means working through challenges and conflict. While these relationships can evolve over time, I often find they arise from a deeper, more spiritual level. Sometimes I feel the connection and potential from the moment I meet the person However, it up to us to act on it. 

Over the years I have found there is a third category - being "intrigued by

" - which is the easiest in my mind. You don't have to like or love someone to be intrigued by them. It is also closely tied to my passion. I love hearing people's stories and why they feel the way they do. I have learned so much from others, and been given so much insight into why we disagree on issues.  Learning about the variety of ways people live, think, love and worship gave me permission to accept my own uniqueness and choose a life that gives me joy.  I love feeling every time the pull of intrigue rises when I meet someone new, and can't wait to strike up a conversation with them.

So there you have it - my thoughts on how we like, love and are intrigued by others. This is simply offered as food for thought with the full knowledge that it won't land true for everyone. And that is as it should be.