Treat Triumph and Disaster the Same

Near the very end of Prabal Gurung's memoir, Walk Like a Girl, he mentions a quote that comforted him even when young. It echoed similar advice his mother gave him when his career as a designer began to take off. I looked up the quote and discovered it was part a poem titled If — by Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936). The poem is a classic. I have heard many lines from it quoted over the years.

While Gurung quoted just one line that talked about triumph and disaster, I decided to share three lines ending with the one he quoted. I feel the meaning of the line on triumph and disaster is clearer when shared in context with the two previous lines. As I typed these lines I could again feel the universe nudging me again and whispering, "Listen."  

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same.

I have always been one who felt the vibes around me. Sad, angry, happy, energetic, tired....I picked up the feel of the room and it affected my emotions and energy.  The same goes for my life journey.  A high moment gets my adrenalin flowing and a low moment brings deep heartache and self-doubt.  I assumed that was how you were supposed to react. That it was just a part of being human. In the last decade however, I began to better understand this flow, and it has become easier to even out my responses. 

Kipling’s words came at the right time for me. They offer a different way for me to approach life's highs and lows that feels much more sensible.  Approaching triumph and disaster with the same attitude sounds wrong in some ways.  Isn't it normal to celebrate our wins and grieve with our disasters? Yes, absolutely.  However, I think what is being offered is a little more subtle. It's about how we look at the highs and lows while we move through our feelings. It's about not taking either extreme too seriously.

In Walk Like a Girl, Gurung's mum offered a few wise words when he received his first big accolades. I cannot remember what she said exactly, but it was something like this.  If you allow yourself to get too caught up in your successes, then the lows when they come, and they will come, will have just as much impact. She encouraged him to stay mentally grounded as he experienced one or the other. Another way of looking at it is if you allow yourself to be put on a pedestal,  it will just make the fall when you are knocked down a lot further. 

The human experience is like that.  Sometimes it is two steps forward, then one step back. Other times it is being stuck in one place for a period of time while other things fall in place.  You will be lauded one day and vilified the next. I have experienced all of that and it has made me cautious.  I try my best to be thankful when I am acknowledged, and accept any kind words of support when they arrive. At the same time I try to be sure to keep my ego in check. 

I approach times when the negatives are said, or I experience failure, the same way.  I try to not allow myself to lose confidence and believe I am hopeless. I can feel solid in who I am and have a strong sense of self, and still be humble about my shortcomings. Sometimes dark moments can offer truths that need to be acknowledged and/or a chance to grow. And there are times I experienced attacks not based in fact.  In those times, all I can do is walk away while reminding myself of who I am and what I stand for.

So where does this leave me?  Acknowledging I can get caught up in the chaos that swirls around me is the first step in finding a better way. Perhaps I can start each day by focusing first on letting go of any obvious attachment to my dreams, thoughts, successes, failures and the words of others. I will acknowledge each without expectation, allow them space to be heard, but not let myself be bound by them. Staying centered and thoughtful will be my goal.