Be the Main Character in Your Story

"Don't let anyone else be the main character in your story." - Chelsey Handler

I have always been a Chelsey Handler fan, but really didn't know much about her other than what I saw on TV.  When I saw her latest audio book - I'll Have What She's Having - I decided to give it a listen. It was eye opening.  Handler is irreverent, strong, opinionated, ignores social expectations, is unapologetic about her life, and doesn't allow the outside world to influence her choices.  I find those traits are what I hope to achieve first a person, but also as a woman.  Some I have made headway on, but some are still a work in progress.

Handler's attitude towards topics like drugs and sex stand outside of the accepted norm. Her passion for her family and desire to grow and become is something most of us can relate to.  Hence, throughout the book, while sharing moments from her life, she offers some bits of wisdom that hit home for me.  While I think I am pretty good now (after many years of work) at keeping myself at the forefront of my story, there are still moments where I slip. 

Staying as the main character in your own story is not being egotistical.  It doesn't mean you never take others feelings into account.  I still do that. I try to be kind and let them know they are heard. I also might adjust my behavior - how I respond - or my word choices.  However, I never let the beliefs of others alter my own beliefs, ones learned through challenges on my own path.  And I never let them change the heart led goals. No one can re-write my script. Only I have that privilege. 

Have you thought lately about whether you have given up the lead role in your own story?  There have been times I have.  I had originally decided never to marry, but life had other plans.  My partner lived in another country, and the only door open to join him was to marry.  I was so scared, but took a leap of faith. When I first became a wife I felt the weight of expectation - not from my husband (I couldn't love him more), but from the extended family on both sides.

Then when I birthed three kids in three and a half years, the role of mother landed hard on my shoulders.  The cost of day care was prohibitive, so I became a stay at home mom.  Again the weight of social and familial expectations landed hard on my shoulders. There were many years I am not sure I was even in my own story - my children and husband had all the main roles.  This was not their failure, but my lack knowledge. I didn't know how to step on the stage. 

Those are only two examples from my life, but I am sure each of you can find unique examples from your life as well.  Balancing the needs of others in your world while maintaining you lead role position in your story can be a hard journey. But it can be done.  For me it got easier when the kids were grown and flew the nest.  There was space for me to explore how to achieve this, where I needed to place my boundaries, and a vocabulary to use with others that was kind, but firm.  

Can you be the main character without ego? Absolutely.  It takes time to figure out the balance, but once found, the results will astound you. You can do it!