The View in a Dusty Mirror

I came across a story recently about a monk taking an acolyte into a storeroom to look into a dusty mirror. He was asked to share what he saw. Needless to say it was a very blurry and distorted image of himself. With all going on in the world today, I found this spoke to me on a much larger scale. The difficulty of seeing clearly has increased many fold.

The internet didn't come into my life until I was a young mother. There were digital connections made, but not the free access to global information there is today.  I am a writer because of the internet. It's where I first found a door into interviewing and writing.  And I use it daily to keep myself informed and to offer words of support to others. It's a place where you can learn about the world beyond your reach, or access classes to educate yourself. 

The downside that has come with it, especially over the last decade, is the rise of fake news, fake websites, misinformation, outright lies presented as fact, cyber bullying, and unlabeled AI creations made with the intent of creating a false narrative.  Every year I find it harder to look behind a post to search for the hard facts.  I am also shocked at the amount of this type of post social media allows.  I have several times reported a fake site pretending to be someone else, or a post that was an outright lie, only to be told the post didn't violate community standards. 

Time to take this a little more personal.  When it comes to viewing ourselves, how many times do we allow how others see us to define who we are?  How many times do we change or shrink ourselves to fit into the box of others expectations? And how many times do we allow a negative inner voice, or self doubt, to do the same.  Looking at ourselves through the perceptions and/or expectations of others, or a negative inner voice, is the same as viewing ourselves in a dusty, dirty mirror.  

That outside pressure - and if your like me, inner self-doubt - can feel impossible to vanquish.  Tiny seeds are scattered throughout our inner self, placed there by recent experiences, or ones as far back as our early childhood. Sometimes others help us see our potential and support our journey. I had a few friends sit me down and say they wished I could see what they saw.  It helped. Unfortunately other times what people say is meant to limit and/or change us. These bad seeds can sprout and take hold at the most inconvenient times - usually when we are feeling overwhelmed, pressured or confused.  If we ignore them and allow them to grow, the long term effect can be devastating. They need to be pulled quickly. 

I was raised I was born wrong and broken, so find I personally need to acknowledge often who I am, and what I believe. It only takes a moment to quietly remind myself I not broken. I am the person I was born to be.  Who I am is intricately tied to my purpose and passion.  If I change to fit another's mold, it might initially feel more comfortable, but that feeling won't last.  My purpose will continue pull me towards the life I am meant to live. 

A clear sign I'm looking in a dusty mirror is when I am feeling stress, confusion, lost or without purpose.  The moment I notice those feelings arise, I know I need to take time to focus in on self-acceptance and self-care. I also might need to remove myself from a situation or person(s) determined to change me or my direction. I have learned to love myself enough at this point to release any guilt at walking away, and accept any consequences that might come.  

Today is a good day.  I am alone at my computer, working in beast mode, and doing what I love. When I head out into the world - whether physically or digitally - it gets more challenging. But the older I get, the easier it has become to deal with the hard days.  For today, though, I am in a beautiful space and feeling confident. Life is good.