Scarred: The True Story of How I Escaped NXIVM, the Cult That Bound My Life by Sarah Edmondson & Kristine Gasbarre
As seen in the HBO docuseries THE VOW: The shocking and subversive memoir of a 12-year-NXIVM-member-turned-whistleblower, and her inspiring true story of abuse, escape, and redemption.
Synopsis -
"'Master, would you brand me? It would be an honor.' From the second I climb onto the table, acutely aware that I am lying in the sweat of my sisters, I will have blocked that out. Lying there completely naked, I am at my most vulnerable but determined to prove my strength. I try to keep my legs closed as my body wills itself to protect my most private area. . . . I tell myself: I am a warrior. I birthed a human. I can handle pain. But nothing could have ever prepared me for the feel of this fire on my skin."
Scarred is Sarah Edmondson's compelling memoir of her recruitment into the NXIVM cult, the 12 years she spent within the organization (during which she enrolled over 2,000 members and entered DOS—NXIVM's "secret sisterhood"), her breaking point, and her harrowing fight to get out, to expose Keith Raniere and the leadership, to help others, and to heal. Complete with personal photographs, Scarred is also an eye-opening story about abuses of power, female trust and friendship, and how sometimes the search to be "better" can override everything else.
Review -
I heard about NXIVM when it hit the news. While appalled by the abuse I heard, I was also curious. How did they entrap a person so thoroughly that they lost touch with reality? I watch cult documentaries where I can. but personal stories often offer a better inside look. When I heard about Edmondson sharing her journey, I knew I had to read Scarred.
This book was not exactly what I expected. It offers two stories blended together. There is the memoir side of the story where author Sarah Edmondson shares her personal experiences - first positive experiences that helped her daily, followed by an increasing pressure and subtle manipulation that led her slowly down the rabbit hole. Her story is emotional and hard to read at times. If you have suffered abuse, this might be triggering. NDXIVM played on her desire to be an accepted part of a community and her strong desire to do good in the world. They kept twisting the truth to keep control. The author is brutally honest in sharing her journey, and in how guilty she feels for her part in bringing others into the organization who were harmed.
The other story follows the day to day minutia of how a cult works to pull people in, to keep them bound, to dictate their reality, and most importantly to use them to make a great deal of money. Readers are offered a view on the business operating behind the scenes. - from developing programs, to high prices. to constantly expanding the curriculum, to guilting people into spending money on things they couldn't afford. I learned a lot, but those parts are dryer reading. I was more interested in the personal experiences she shared.
A good book for those interested in knowing more about cults, but written from two separate views - the darker personal experience and the business side of how it all worked. Feel free to focus in on the parts that speak to what you want to learn.
Meet the Author -
Fab Author Interview HERE
In 2019, Sarah published Scarred: The True Story of How I Escaped NXIVM, the Cult that Bound My Life with Kristine Gasbarre. Her whistleblower story is also featured in The Vow, the critically acclaimed HBO documentary series on NXIVM. Now based in Atlanta, Sarah and her co-host/husband Anthony “Nippy” Ames continue the conversation with their podcast A Little Bit Culty, and book of the same name. Her TEDx talk, “How to spot a cult,” is featured on TED and has been viewed over 1.6 million times.

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