Interestingly enough, during this time my Ujamaa tribe which usually says "Go for it" and "You can do it" have had a much different response. Their words are a different kind of encouragement - "Trust your instincts" and "There is a reason it's not coming together in this moment." Perhaps the books are not quite ready to become a reality - a new interview that needs to be included, a journey I already have on paper that is going to have a change, personal growth to be addressed first or even the right timing for release.
It is difficult to let go of the idea that sometimes our intuition is guiding us to do nothing on a project we hold dear. That concept is against the way our culture tells us things should happen. We should set goals and always be moving forward. Each moment should count. Tricks are offered such as working with a timer and a list. There is even a writing site where you are berated if your typing falls below a certain number of words per minute. The term writer's block looms in countless articles.
Only recently did the idea come into my world that doing nothing is sometimes the right choice. I remember my mentor Sue Dumais of Heart Led Living sharing during a guided meditation session that she was struggling to work one day. She decided to explore what her heart was telling her and was guided to stretch out for two hours of relaxation and personal time. When she arose and sat down again at her computer, the experience was totally different and she made several hundred dollars almost immediately. Whoa!
This idea was one I had to explore and honestly, my societal training immediately went into serious revolt. It insisted there really could be no excuse for lack of production except my own personal failing - procrastination. It was time to let that old message see the light of day, acknowledge it no longer served me and release it to the universe. The pressure came off my shoulders and in it's place, anticipation began to slowly build.
My intellectual desire is to zoom through the three plus books waiting to be written. They are still calling me and I know they are meant to be birthed. At the same time I am stepping back from blame and opening myself up to wherever my heart is leading me first. I am open and ready to embrace this journey.
Is this easy? Not yet. Daily I have to start each morning with a few quiet minutes of embracing and accepting that nesting and quiet time feels right in this moment. And if it feels right, the universe is in charge. All will come together.
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