Time to Stop Putting Off Living

"One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living." - Dale Carnegie

One of the books I was reading the other day shared the above quote from Dale Carnegie.  It struck deep. My husband and I have had many conversations recently about issues that relate to this.  We grew up in families with limited financial circumstances. We had basic food, clothing and shelter, but money was always a worry.  In that environment we learned to embrace scarcity as a fact of life. 

For many reasons, when we first met we were both in a tight financial place. And I moved to Canada to be with him and that meant not even being able to work for nine months. When I did start working, it was at a low paying job. Because we were both past 30, we began growing our family right away - three beautiful, fabulous kids in three and a half years - and bought our first home. I became a stay-at-home mum as day care for three toddlers was more than I could earn at a job. Financially that meant we were always playing catch up.  I remember balancing our checking account in fear daily. All this reinforced the scarcity mindset we learned when young.

One day we turned around to find the house paid off, and the kids grown and independent.  Suddenly the financial reins could be loosened, but the change in attitude didn't come easy.  We still found ourselves worrying about larger expenditures and whether our retirement account was large enough. This increased after my husband retired. Instead of a pension, he had a retirement savings account that he had to manage.  It took 3-4 years of watching the money flow carefully before he began to relax. Only when he relaxed could I start to relax as well.

Slowly and steadily we began to ease the reins on our spending. We started to meet friends out in restaurants more often. We began to attend more live performances. We took a twelve day trip to Norway.  Then a 3 week trip, that included travel to Prague, Vienna, and Budapest.  Next came three weeks exploring the east coast of Spain.  We still were very careful to try to keep expenses low, but we were getting out there in the world. 

Somewhere in the last year came the realization while we were not wealthy, we were comfortable. Our kids were established and taking care of themselves.  At our age we didn't know what time we had left - one day or 20 years.  We watched people around us suddenly begin to struggle with their health or their mobility.  We had to say goodbye to a few. It was time to embrace living life to it's fullest. We booked a more elaborate trip that involved a week in Iceland on a self-drive tour, and two weeks in the London with a side trip to Bruge.  We chose to balance the cost of travel and lodgings with our comfort and ease.  That meant spending a bit more than on past trips. 

Compared to the vacations some of our friends take, we are still are on the more modest side. But for us this trip was absolutely luxurious.  One of my husband's brothers helped us shift our focus.  He said something to the affect, "You can spend your money on yourself, or you can stay home and leave it to your kids."  It hit the mark perfectly.  We had already given to our kids, so it was time to give to ourselves.  Despite the cost of this trip, there was now no lingering guilt.  We were thoughtful in every decision, balancing cost with our needs. We allowed ourselves to not worry about every dime spent.

This is just one example of choosing to live.  In the last few years I have tried water color painting (not a success), revisited knitting and crocheting, went zip lining, attended performances by unique international artists, and enjoyed supper in a small jazz club while serenaded by musicians.  It is so easy as you get older to just stay home. It's comfortable. The peace and quiet can become almost a drug.  However, it is by getting out in the world, trying new things and socializing with others that we keep our spirit and mind young.

If while reading this, you realize your world has been getting smaller and your routine more predictable, all I can say is begin by taking baby steps towards choosing to live a larger life. Start with going to a restaurant that offers food you've never tried. Attend a play or concert outside what you would normally choose. Enroll in a class to learn a new skill. Take a walk in nature, somewhere new you've always been meaning to visit. Enjoy a picnic. Have friends in for brunch - something that we all lost in the pandemic shutdown. Let yourself dream of places you would love to see. Work your way up to bigger and bigger experiences.  

Each day above ground is a blessing. Each morning you wake up and take that first breath precious. Your time doesn't have to be marked by all high moments, but be sure to include them as often as possible.