For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. So collapse. Crumble. This is not your destruction. This is your birth.” ― Zoe Skylar
After reading this quote a few times, I became curious about the person who wrote it and if there was a book it was published in. That's when things screeched to a halt. I just couldn't find anything about her. She is definitely a writer, and this quote is tagged under the label poetry on Goodreads, but I can't find any poetry books or even a website for her.
As I kept digging, I found hints and possibilities, but very few solid facts. The quote above is cited by other poets quite often, and has inspired a lot of verse. But I can't find a longer poem it is a part of. There is also reference to books for parents on Autism, and a couple kids books on Amazon I think are hers, but I am not 100% sure. I find myself utterly curious. How can she be so quoted, yet so invisible.
As I passed my 20's, 30's, and 40's things began to change. Those feelings of devastation were still strong. I still had periods of feeling lost with no direction - a sailboat in the middle of the ocean with a broken motor and sail shredded by the storm. However, what had left me was that accompanying feeling of hopelessness. I had been through this before. Experience had taught me as much as I hated feeling this way, the darkness would soon pass. Life would go on.
My periods of feeling devastated after personal troubles and conflicts occured - self condemnation, stomach roiling and inability to sleep - have shortened from months to no more than a week. Usually in just a few days I start to turn the corner. I have also come to accept the truth that these times are important for my growth. Sometimes it is a change that needs to happen within. Other times it is a change that needs to happen in outwardly - perhaps in my social connections or writing goals. The universe is in charge. I simply need to stay the course.
Whatever the purpose of difficult times, the process I go through always involves a collapse, a crumbling, a release of what no longer serves, and a rebirth. Just like the creation of a star. I wish I had realized this earlier in life. Understanding these challenges were important to me becoming the person I am meant to be would have made for a much more focused and purposeful journey. And it would have been much easier to accept the cyclical nature of rebirth. Becoming is never a one shot deal. Done and done. It occurs in waves over time.
I would love to close with another view of life's journey I find both intriguing and inspiring. The idea is that we were born perfect, with a purpose in life that is unique to us. However, from the moment of birth, the world pressures us to change, to fit into the box they have chosen for us as acceptable. This causes us to forget who we are. This view embraces the idea that growth is the process of letting go of who we were told we should be, and remembering who we are, the person we came into this life as. It is a journey of unbecoming everything we are not.
This image brings me joy and explains so much about my how my life has played out so far. And it makes the difficult times so much easier to bear. I am all in. I commit is to embracing this process until the day I take my final breath.