Room to Breathe

 "When we are tossed about by the demands of everyday; life, barraged by information from all sides, our Spirits lose the room to breathe.
" - Shinsuke Hosokawa, Zen Wisdom for the Anxious

I was out with a friend exploring a wonderful area in Vancouver, BC, called Granville Island. It is a mix of market, artisan shops, bookstores and more.  In one bookstore I noticed Zen Wisdom for the Anxious. As an author myself, I was intrigued by the title, and when I flipped through I was taken by the briefness of each bit of wisdom offered.  I took it home. 

Today I thought I would crack the cover and do a bit of wisdom diving, but I ground to a halt on the first line of the first written page, located before the prologue.  If this continues it will take me a decade to get through this small title.  What stopped me was the quote above, especially the phrase "room to breathe."

I am neurodivergent - ADHD for anyone who is curious.  Most of my life it ruled my days, my hours, my minutes. I had little control over it and not the knowledge or money to look for solutions.  Now that I have reached a point in life where my time is my own - no kids, no outside job with regular hours - I have found I have way more ability to interact with my neurodivergent brain in a way allows me to reap the benefits. Yes there are tremendous benefits. 

Where the snag lies is in balance. If I don't go out to events and socialize with people, keep my environment for the most part calm, walk or exercise and try to get enough sleep - it all goes well.  But that is not real life. And I would miss my connection with family and friends.  We are social creatures and studies prove that being social is one of the recommendations to help stave off dementia.  It's not a cure all, but it can increase your odds of holding it off. 

In January I had a milestone birthday as well as faced the start of a new decade. Instead of a party, or wallowing in concern about aging, I committed the month to reconnecting with friends and family over coffee, lunch or a walk.  It was fabulous, but very hard to fit everyone in. The get-togethers have spilled over into February, and I am beginning to feel my anxiety building.

I was becoming overwhelmed, especially as my going out  coincided with a lot of chaos following the US elections and several friends in need of support.  The barrage on all fronts was non-stop.  My writing suffered. I sat with a blank mind at the computer. I was taking an intro to poetry course and the other students had knowledge way beyond intro, so I began to feel the pressure mount.  And exercise slipped away, meaning unwanted pounds began to appear. My sleep also became unsettled. It wasn't any one thing, it was everything altogether at a time I wasn't home much.

When I read the quote above today it hit home. I had reached a point I needed to take action. I was feeling tossed and barraged and overwhelmed.  I was feeling like I couldn't breathe.  But most of all I was missing the visit of my muse who whispers in my ear regularly. My creativity had been short circuited. However, while reading that line, my muse finally re-appeared and again whispered in my ear. I headed straight to the computer. 

Self-care is more than yoga, massages, quiet walks, mantras and sleep.  Self-care includes being out in the world connecting with others, having challenging conversations, and saying yes to new adventures.  And it is also about having quiet spaces in your life where you simply sink into nothingness to refill your cup, to let your creative spirit run free, or to just listen to music.  

The key is finding the right balance, the one that works for you.  I am still working on it.