Not a Shout, But a Whisper

"What happened was so subtle, so faint, that it could easily have passed by without being noticed. It was not with a shout but with a whisper that my life was thrown into utter turmoil and transformation." -  Michael A. Singer, The Surrender Experiment

Recently a Facebook connection had mentioned The Surrender Experiment as a book she would be reading next. Curious, I found it in our local library so decided to give the title a try. I found it fascinating and felt 2 subjects walked hand in hand as I read. One hand offered a memoir of the author's life from walking away from the world to live in nature and meditate. The other hand offered what I would have called woohoo years ago - how surrendering to the flow of life (or spirit or universe) without question led him on a path he never would have imagined.. Fortunately I have grown over the years to where I can now understand what he meant.

I have to admit, simply surrendering sounds so passive and feels like it would leave me open to manipulation.  Don't we have to stand up and be heard. Aren't we supposed to fight the darkness.  And doesn't it take a strong voice to stay true to ourselves and our journey?  Yes those are all true, but in the end I think it comes down to understanding who the author is and how deeply he is connected he is to his heart.

Singer has for decades made meditation and yoga serious priorities in his live.  He meditates twice a day no matter what distractions there are.  He teaches and mentors and daily life, a life he lives apart from the chaos of city living, and he takes that quiet inner center with him every time he goes out into the world.  It is has been a focus of his practice to develop the ability to stay in a meditative state while facing whatever he is called to do. 

What I love about the quote above is that is refers to something I have experienced in my life.  Some of my biggest transformations and redirects have come from whispers in unexpected moments. At the time they didn't seem significant, but after reading the quote above I looked back with found so many surprise experiences that led to new beginnings.  

My kids were in high school and didn't need as much from me. Around the same time I walked away from sewing custom dance costumes.  The stress of the work was affecting my family and my health.  Suddenly I had time on my hands and didn't know what to do with it.  I sat down on Craigslist to wander the job offers.  One ad I answered on a whim with no experience or expectation except maybe to hear crickets. Instead I suddenly found myself an interviewer and magazine writer. It also led to becoming magazine co-owner and editor.

When a disagreement with no solution brought the online magazine to a crashing halt, I first fought it, trying to launch a new magazine.  Then I finally surrendered. Initially I found myself in a very dark place, but writing on the blog I had launched at the suggestion of a friend (oh how I found the idea but she stayed firm and I surrendered), I found myself enjoying writing every day and curious where this could lead.  Around that time I saw a random invite to a women's get together who had a publisher speaking.  I NEVER went to this type of function but found myself saying yes. And that is where I met the woman who would help me write my first book and launch it into the world. 

These are just two of the many times the universe presented me an opportunity for transformation like a birthday present.  Another was when my publisher had a get together with all her authors and I randomly sat next to a woman who would become my mentor and change my life.  I literally felt her energy during the evening and had no idea what was happening. It took me 9 months I think to accept the gift. I wish I had known to surrender earlier. I wasted so much time. 

There are so many times I at first fought the flow. I had a mental image of what I thought should happen, and believed I needed to make things happen. Over time I came to understand when I was truly being led by my heart, I simply needed to let go and follow the flow. Learning to surrender has led to a life I couldn't even imagine.  It's still not easy for me to to shut down that judgmental inner voice determined to take control, but experience has taught me the rewards are worth the effort. I am committed.